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Jerry Earnhart

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"Most folks are about as happy as they want to be"
A. Lincoln

Fifteen Things I have Learned in Life

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

2. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above- average drivers.

4. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

5. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

6. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

7. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

8. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

9. If a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

10. You should not confuse your career with your life.

11. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

12. No matter what happens, somebody will take it way too seriously.

13. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

14. Your friends love you, anyway.

15. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance!

Received from Ken Cole.




For The Shape I am In

There is nothing whatever wrong with me
I am just as healthy as I can be.
I have arthritis in both my knees
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin.
But, In am awfully well for the shape I am in.

I think my liver is out of whack
And a terrible pain is in my back.
My hearing is poor; my sight is dim.
Most everything seems to be out of trim.
But, I am awfully well for the shape I am in.

My doctor says my days are few,
For every week he finds something new.
And the way I stagger is such a crime,
I am likely to drop most any time.
I jump like mad at the drop of a pin.
But, I am awfully well for the shape I am in.

I have arch supports for both my feet,
Or I would not be able to go on the street.
I cannot sleep, night after night,
And in the morning I am a horrible sight.
My memory is failing: my head is in a spin,
But I am awfully well for the shape I am in.

The moral is, as this tale doth tell,
That for you and for me, that are as old as hell,
It is better to say, I am fine, with a grin,
Or the other guy will tell you the shape he is in.

By Mrs. Lewis Fisher

A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in a hurry and not happy about the slowness of the line.

When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and home before Christmas!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With a good tail wind and that brand new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time. :-)



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